kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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