dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
