Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
