I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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