In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
