so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
