someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
