it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
