The maid of honor just puked.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
