I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
