This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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