Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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