i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
ok first of all what the fuck
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
