idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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