im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
