I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
