we have pet lesbian snakes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
