i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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