I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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