At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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