So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
