This is not my ceiling
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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