also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
