It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
