But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's paper in my vomit.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
