We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
