Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
