p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
