insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
