i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
