This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
