He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
