i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
