My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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