When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
