I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
