his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
