Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
