I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
