I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
