I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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