Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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