New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
