yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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