You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
