I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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