you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
