I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
