I think I am morally bankrupt
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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