Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
