Yo dont text me then not text me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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