My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Come on in and take your pants off
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