So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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