Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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