Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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