Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
