i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
