Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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